Sex in the Pastor's Office? Get Real!
Posted: Friday, April 09, 2010
by Mark Parsec
Wordcasters
As she sat across from me during our counseling session, I noticed her eyes dilate. I knew the look. I had seen it before with other women that I have counseled through the years as a pastor. It was that magical moment when the chemistry fills the air.
For me it is a bittersweet experience when the women exhibit an attraction towards me. Of course, being the man that I am it is going to stroke my ego. I think we all need that, at least to a limited extent at times. In my younger days, before I had come to know Christ, I would not have hesitated to respond to her. However, I am older now, more experienced and hopefully wiser. Besides, I am married and very much in love with my wife.
The problem is that sometimes those urges to draw closer to someone just don’t feel wrong at all. In fact, they feel GOOD. We naturally desire deeper intimacy, to touch, to kiss, and to caress. It seems so normal, so romantic and endowed with the deepest expressions of love. How could it possibly be wrong, when it feels so good?
She squirmed on the sofa and blushed. Those desires that she could not express verbally her body language was screaming. She was playing with her hair. Her eyes were roaming…
When the “magic” happens during counseling, I generally make it a point to address the situation. Other pastors might not approve of the way that I deal with it, but I really do not care, it works for me and it is quite an honest approach. Usually, I will begin by saying…
“I love you.”
Of course, I will pause briefly for the affect, to see how they respond, and then I continue…
“Jesus commands me to love you in John 13:34. Now, I think you are a very attractive woman. However, I do not want to have an affair with you. I don’t want to have sex with you. I love the Lord and I love my wife.”
This approach has always worked for me. Women appreciate the honesty and the fact that the “situation” has been acknowledged and dealt with. It brings a sense of relief and comfort and builds trust.
If you find yourself in an awkward situation, I want to encourage you to address it promptly. After all, we are human. It is going to happen. The question is how long are you going to wait before you respond to the situation.
The Apostle Paul put it this way...
“No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it (1 Cor. 10:13).
This Article has been viewed 533 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
More commentsHi Honey,Good thing for you that Christ has the control over natural feelings. LOL! I know you are in love with me, love me and you take great care of me!I love you with all my heart,MichelleHi Michelle,
Thank you. YOU are my fantasy come true. I will forever be grateful that God put you into my life. I love you with all of my heart... and body too!
Mark
But there's a reason they're called 'lay persons'!
Interesting article Mark. I think it shows wisdom to let your clients know the difference between love and being in love.Hi Linda,
Thank you. There is such a deep abiding quality of love that can go way beyond the physical. I have found this only with Christ.
Mark
I was vunerable many years ago and a Pastorial counselor took advantage of that. Your article was frank and truthful, but some succomb. I think the desk makes a good separator. Stay behind it!Hi Anonymous,
Thank you for your honesty. I have a very BIG desk! Hope you were able to move beyond the incident.
Mark
Mark,These temptations will come, we all know that. You are right,it is how we respond to those things, that makes the difference. It is an admirable thing for a man such as yourself to take control of the situation, and make things perfectly clear. It is not fair for a woman (knowing full well what she is doing)to put a man in that situation, and same is true for a man.Hi Kim,
You are so absolutely right. The problem occurs when the fantasy is allowed to persist. Thank you for your insightful comments.
Mark
Good way to deal with the situation and defuse it for sure! You have a way of picking "grabber" titles - GRINMarijoHi Marijo,
The searches are in the titles! Thank you for your comments. God bless you.
Mark
Good Title Mark. We can all learn from this article. Hoe to write and how to act. Being a pastor, what a great difuser.
Your wife's comment put tons of credibility to the article. Must be a sweet lady and
I wish you the best. Seems you already have it. John Miller
Hi John,
My wife is God's gift to me. I can never thank Him enough. Thanks for your comments.
God bless you,
Mark
Mark,For me it very admirable the way you handle that situation, As I been in that situation before. We men need to control those urges, as long we know where we are standing. We must always remember, the women in our lives have total trust in us and the Lord is watching us.Thank you, there is much to learn from this articleThank you Jose,
Having been in the situation you fully understand. Your comments are appreciated.
God bless you,
Mark
Hi Mark! I've been very busy as of late-just got back from New Hampshire where I had been spending an enjoyable few days with my daughter and family. Nicely written article-I agree the direct approach is best because then there is no question as to your position on things. TerriHi Terri,
I hope you had a wonderful visit with your daughter. I appreciate your comments and thoughtful response.
God bless you,
Mark
Well said, Mark.Rich Vail.
Hi Rich,
Thanks for your comments!
Mark
Mark,Thank you for addressing a very important issue whether in the Church system, or outside of the Church system. Even though the written warns everyone to resist the devil so He will flee, many find themselves in a compromising situation where they are alone in a room with someone of the opposite sex. Jesus Christ gave the born again believer the authority to cast out demons. That was a demon spirit of lust that was trying to attack you. I would have immediately rebuked that demon, but I am going ahead of myself. The first thing I would have done was make sure that I am not alone in a room with anyone of the opposite sex. Second if this ever occurs, lets say in an elevator or an office where it is absolutely necessary for me to be because of a work related situation, I would bring every high though and every vain imaginations under the authority of the Holy Spirit, and then I would bind up all evil spirits that I discern lurking around and loose the spirit of the written Word, through the power of the Holy Spirit.Many people are allowing themselves to fall prey to the wiles of Satan and His imps and the spirit of lust is the easiest spirit to make a man or woman loose their salvation and fall from the grace of God. As I look around me and listen to what is happening in this world we live in, I have asked the question why are "Christian people" falling prey to this spirit? Especially those who are in the highest position in the Churches? and I have found the answer in the Word. It is only a test!Hi Marcia,
Thank you for your comments.
Mark
More comments
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.