Obsessed - Women who Rape Men
Posted: Thursday, December 10, 2009
by Mark Parsec
Wordcasters
The 2009 movie Obsessed, with Idris Elba, Beyonc Knowles and Ali Larter provides a glimpse into a situation seldom mentioned in real life conversations - the experience of men that have been the victims of sexual assaults by women. Now, I know some of you may be scratching your heads and raising your eyebrows and wondering, "Is it possible for a man to be raped by a woman?" However, before we explore that question, allow me to give you a little more background on this provocative movie
Idris Alba plays the role of Derek Charles, a young, rising star, asset manager whom has just received a wonderful promotion. Derek is happily married to his beautiful wife, Sharon (Beyonc Knowles) and they have just moved into a new home. Then, along comes a temp worker, temptress, Lisa (Ali Larter) who will stop at nothing to conquer the man she has her eyes on. How this young female perpetrator goes about pursuing, ensnaring and victimizing her prey, is an eye opening experience that women with loyal men should take to heart.
The whole idea of a woman raping a man is something so unthinkable in most people's minds that they find it difficult to believe it could ever happen in real life. Most societies deny that it can even occur. Simply bringing up the possibility in conversation causes surprise, shock, or utter revulsion. Nevertheless, the fact of the matter is it does happen, and probably more often than we could ever imagine. Women do rape men. It is one of the silent pernicious crimes of our society.
Most people might imagine that any man claiming to have been raped by a woman is some kind of nerd, a timid, socially inept dweeb that does not know how to handle sexually aggressive women. However, research is beginning to show a darker side to this picture. Just like men, women rape. The only thing that is different is how they go about it.
Part of the problem of uncovering this silent crime is that most men who have been raped by women are afraid to talk about it. It is embarrassing, humiliating, demoralizing and, besides, most people would never believe them anyways. If you were a man raped by a woman, would you call the cops? The stigma would be surrealistic.
"Officer, I'd like to report a crime."
"Yes, what seems to be the problem?"
"Well, I was raped by this woman."
"You were WHAT?" (Snicker, snicker) "You got to be kidding me! Why don't you send her over here to service me! Ha ha ha."
Besides the social humiliation involved with reporting such a crime there is the legal system's inability to acknowledge that such a possibility even exists. Most legal jargon pertaining to rape includes terminology referring to the "victim" being penetrated not the opposite! Then there would be questions of arousal and orgasm.
"Did you derive any pleasure from the act, Sir?"
"Ummm"
How would a man even respond to such arguments?
In any event, the most difficult thing for most people to understand is how a woman could overpower and force herself upon a man sexually. However, women do not overpower men physically to lay claim to their sexual prey they conquer them psychologically. Mind games! Guys fall for them all the time, right ladies?
Women will tease the man, bait the man, blackmail the man, and then threaten the man that if they don't have sex then she will tell everyone that he tried to rape her or that he is gay. One popular approach these female perpetrators use is to threaten their victims by telling them that if they do not have sex they will tell their wife that they have been having an affair! It leaves the man in a "damned if you do and damned if you don't" situation.
Another tactic that female offenders use is intoxicating their victims through alcohol and/or drugs. In one university study over 50% of the females reported having used alcohol or drugs to take advantage of a man for sexual reasons.
As disturbing as this behavior may sound, it is nothing new. It has been going on since the beginning of recorded history. Even the Bible has accounts of men that were sexually assaulted by women. One such example pertains to Joseph and Potiphar's wife
Genesis 39:6b-18
Joseph was a very handsome and well-built young man, 7 and Potiphar's wife soon began to look at him lustfully. "Come and sleep with me," she demanded.
8 But Joseph refused. "Look," he told her, "my master trusts me with everything in his entire household. 9 No one here has more authority than I do. He has held back nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How could I do such a wicked thing? It would be a great sin against God."
10 She kept putting pressure on Joseph day after day, but he refused to sleep with her, and he kept out of her way as much as possible. 11 One day, however, no one else was around when he went in to do his work. 12 She came and grabbed him by his cloak, demanding, "Come on, sleep with me!" Joseph tore himself away, but he left his cloak in her hand as he ran from the house.
13 When she saw that she was holding his cloak and he had fled, 14 she called out to her servants. Soon all the men came running. "Look!" she said. "My husband has brought this Hebrew slave here to make fools of us! He came into my room to rape me, but I screamed. 15 When he heard me scream, he ran outside and got away, but he left his cloak behind with me."
16 She kept the cloak with her until her husband came home. 17 Then she told him her story. "That Hebrew slave you've brought into our house tried to come in and fool around with me," she said. 18 "But when I screamed, he ran outside, leaving his cloak with me!"
It is clear that Potiphar's wife was sexually harassing Joseph. Had she succeeded in her attack, Joseph would have been the victim of sexual assault. Nevertheless, her accusations against him are typical of the female perpetrator's behavior and, as a result of her failed attempts to take advantage of Joseph, he ended up in prison.
Another example of sexual assault in the Bible is about two women that plied alcohol and took advantage of a man so they could get pregnant.
Genesis 19:30-38
30 Then Lot went up out of Zoar and dwelt in the mountains, and his two daughters were with him; for he was afraid to dwell in Zoar. And he and his two daughters dwelt in a cave. 31 Now the firstborn said to the younger, "Our father is old, and there is no man on the earth to come in to us as is the custom of all the earth. 32 Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve the lineage of our father." 33 So they made their father drink wine that night. And the firstborn went in and lay with her father, and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose.
34 It happened on the next day that the firstborn said to the younger, "Indeed I lay with my father last night; let us make him drink wine tonight also, and you go in and lie with him, that we may preserve the lineage of our father." 35 Then they made their father drink wine that night also. And the younger arose and lay with him, and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose.
36 Thus both the daughters of Lot were with child by their father. 37 The firstborn bore a son and called his name Moab; he is the father of the Moabites to this day. 38 And the younger, she also bore a son and called his name Ben-Ammi; he is the father of the people of Ammon to this day.
In this case, the man was the father of the perpetrators. Any reasonable man in his right mind would never do such a thing, and the girls knew that. They obviously set out to intoxicate their father to the point where he would pass out and then took advantage of him for their own selfish reasons. Isn't this rape?
As you ponder upon these things, consider that in 1998 about three percent of American men (a total of 2.78 million men) had experienced an attempted or completed rape in their life time (Prevalence, Incidence and Consequences of Violence Against Women 1998). In 2002, one in every eight rape victims were male (2002 NCVS). Although these statistics do not delineate between male and female perpetrators, one would have to imagine that some of these offenders were female.
Until male victims start speaking out the world will never know how many women have actually raped men. If you are a victim, I encourage you to share your story in the comment section of this article. You may do so anonymously. Together we can change the world.
Idris Alba plays the role of Derek Charles, a young, rising star, asset manager whom has just received a wonderful promotion. Derek is happily married to his beautiful wife, Sharon (Beyonc Knowles) and they have just moved into a new home. Then, along comes a temp worker, temptress, Lisa (Ali Larter) who will stop at nothing to conquer the man she has her eyes on. How this young female perpetrator goes about pursuing, ensnaring and victimizing her prey, is an eye opening experience that women with loyal men should take to heart.
The whole idea of a woman raping a man is something so unthinkable in most people's minds that they find it difficult to believe it could ever happen in real life. Most societies deny that it can even occur. Simply bringing up the possibility in conversation causes surprise, shock, or utter revulsion. Nevertheless, the fact of the matter is it does happen, and probably more often than we could ever imagine. Women do rape men. It is one of the silent pernicious crimes of our society.
Most people might imagine that any man claiming to have been raped by a woman is some kind of nerd, a timid, socially inept dweeb that does not know how to handle sexually aggressive women. However, research is beginning to show a darker side to this picture. Just like men, women rape. The only thing that is different is how they go about it.
Part of the problem of uncovering this silent crime is that most men who have been raped by women are afraid to talk about it. It is embarrassing, humiliating, demoralizing and, besides, most people would never believe them anyways. If you were a man raped by a woman, would you call the cops? The stigma would be surrealistic.
"Officer, I'd like to report a crime."
"Yes, what seems to be the problem?"
"Well, I was raped by this woman."
"You were WHAT?" (Snicker, snicker) "You got to be kidding me! Why don't you send her over here to service me! Ha ha ha."
Besides the social humiliation involved with reporting such a crime there is the legal system's inability to acknowledge that such a possibility even exists. Most legal jargon pertaining to rape includes terminology referring to the "victim" being penetrated not the opposite! Then there would be questions of arousal and orgasm.
"Did you derive any pleasure from the act, Sir?"
"Ummm"
How would a man even respond to such arguments?
In any event, the most difficult thing for most people to understand is how a woman could overpower and force herself upon a man sexually. However, women do not overpower men physically to lay claim to their sexual prey they conquer them psychologically. Mind games! Guys fall for them all the time, right ladies?
Women will tease the man, bait the man, blackmail the man, and then threaten the man that if they don't have sex then she will tell everyone that he tried to rape her or that he is gay. One popular approach these female perpetrators use is to threaten their victims by telling them that if they do not have sex they will tell their wife that they have been having an affair! It leaves the man in a "damned if you do and damned if you don't" situation.
Another tactic that female offenders use is intoxicating their victims through alcohol and/or drugs. In one university study over 50% of the females reported having used alcohol or drugs to take advantage of a man for sexual reasons.
As disturbing as this behavior may sound, it is nothing new. It has been going on since the beginning of recorded history. Even the Bible has accounts of men that were sexually assaulted by women. One such example pertains to Joseph and Potiphar's wife
Genesis 39:6b-18
Joseph was a very handsome and well-built young man, 7 and Potiphar's wife soon began to look at him lustfully. "Come and sleep with me," she demanded.
8 But Joseph refused. "Look," he told her, "my master trusts me with everything in his entire household. 9 No one here has more authority than I do. He has held back nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How could I do such a wicked thing? It would be a great sin against God."
10 She kept putting pressure on Joseph day after day, but he refused to sleep with her, and he kept out of her way as much as possible. 11 One day, however, no one else was around when he went in to do his work. 12 She came and grabbed him by his cloak, demanding, "Come on, sleep with me!" Joseph tore himself away, but he left his cloak in her hand as he ran from the house.
13 When she saw that she was holding his cloak and he had fled, 14 she called out to her servants. Soon all the men came running. "Look!" she said. "My husband has brought this Hebrew slave here to make fools of us! He came into my room to rape me, but I screamed. 15 When he heard me scream, he ran outside and got away, but he left his cloak behind with me."
16 She kept the cloak with her until her husband came home. 17 Then she told him her story. "That Hebrew slave you've brought into our house tried to come in and fool around with me," she said. 18 "But when I screamed, he ran outside, leaving his cloak with me!"
It is clear that Potiphar's wife was sexually harassing Joseph. Had she succeeded in her attack, Joseph would have been the victim of sexual assault. Nevertheless, her accusations against him are typical of the female perpetrator's behavior and, as a result of her failed attempts to take advantage of Joseph, he ended up in prison.
Another example of sexual assault in the Bible is about two women that plied alcohol and took advantage of a man so they could get pregnant.
Genesis 19:30-38
30 Then Lot went up out of Zoar and dwelt in the mountains, and his two daughters were with him; for he was afraid to dwell in Zoar. And he and his two daughters dwelt in a cave. 31 Now the firstborn said to the younger, "Our father is old, and there is no man on the earth to come in to us as is the custom of all the earth. 32 Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve the lineage of our father." 33 So they made their father drink wine that night. And the firstborn went in and lay with her father, and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose.
34 It happened on the next day that the firstborn said to the younger, "Indeed I lay with my father last night; let us make him drink wine tonight also, and you go in and lie with him, that we may preserve the lineage of our father." 35 Then they made their father drink wine that night also. And the younger arose and lay with him, and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose.
36 Thus both the daughters of Lot were with child by their father. 37 The firstborn bore a son and called his name Moab; he is the father of the Moabites to this day. 38 And the younger, she also bore a son and called his name Ben-Ammi; he is the father of the people of Ammon to this day.
In this case, the man was the father of the perpetrators. Any reasonable man in his right mind would never do such a thing, and the girls knew that. They obviously set out to intoxicate their father to the point where he would pass out and then took advantage of him for their own selfish reasons. Isn't this rape?
As you ponder upon these things, consider that in 1998 about three percent of American men (a total of 2.78 million men) had experienced an attempted or completed rape in their life time (Prevalence, Incidence and Consequences of Violence Against Women 1998). In 2002, one in every eight rape victims were male (2002 NCVS). Although these statistics do not delineate between male and female perpetrators, one would have to imagine that some of these offenders were female.
Until male victims start speaking out the world will never know how many women have actually raped men. If you are a victim, I encourage you to share your story in the comment section of this article. You may do so anonymously. Together we can change the world.
This Article has been viewed 2,869 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
More commentsI guess somebody didn't like my comment- oh well, I thought it was a good one! In a nutshell- A woman CANNOT rape a man.I'm not quite sure I understand why you think your commented was not liked. You are certainly entitled to your opinion. Thank you for sharing it on this article.Mark
Interesting article and comments. Rape is as act of violence out of anger. Can a woman actually "rape" a man... anything is possible. The movie I believe (I admit I did not see it) was more about seducing than rape... however manipulative, deceitful ..etc... more about obsession another “Fatal Attraction”... Now I will go see the movie... thanks for the article!!Hi Kimberly,Thanks for your comments. Let me know what you think about the movie and then comment back.Mark
I saw this movie a few weeks back and I think this article is a good one. I'm not sure that the term rape is correct, but I definately get your point.The statement was made earlier that a "woman cannot rape a man". It was also mentioned that a woman cannot "take something" from a "terrified" man.Had the wife believed this was a reality instead of having some faith in her husband then when she kicked him out it could have been permanent. Had that been the case then I would argue that the woman did "take something" from the man. She took what was probably the most important "something" to him.
Hi Curtis,I agree... a woman can take "the most important 'something'" away from a man. That is his ability to chose. That is essentially the definition of rape, is it not?Mark
Wow, Mark! It was bold, audacious of you to have written such an article. As you can see, the reaction from most people will fit between incredible and hilarious. But once you throw in the age difference between an older woman and a boy or a sexually experienced woman and a virgin boy, then the likelihood of the female rapist becomes clear. I have firsthand knowledge that the answer to our question, "Can a woman rape a man?" is YES! ~mogama~Hi Mogama,I'm in the same boat as you on this one. Been there. Thank you for your insightful comments and for your transparency.Mark
Have not seen the movie and, truthfully, had never really given rape BY a woman much of a thought. Your article is certainly provocative and apparently somewhat commonplace.Hi OGM,I hadn't given it too much thought either, until I saw the movie. I just find it hard to believe that some people think that it is impossible that a woman could be capable of doing such a thing. But... it happens.Mark
Where and how can I get the movie?would love to watch before commentingTry doing a search online to see if you can purchase the video.
Sorry Ella, but contrary to your callous rape denial comments (which would never be tolerated with respect to female survivors), women can and do rape men. All of the major organizations that support and advocate on behalf of rape survivors recognize this very simple thing as well. I was raped a woman. She spiked my drink and then did what she wanted while I was out and blackmailed me in the morning while forcing herself on me again. Did I have an erection? Yes. Did I want it? No. She manually stimulated me anyway.Who are you to decide that women can't be rapists? Why make excuses and minimize the impact that a female rapist can have on a male survivor? Why is it necessary to insult those of us who've been victimized by telling us it didn't happen simply because she had a vagina? How is that your right??????
Man, I was hoping the comments were not going stop so abruptly...
I am a biologist and can offer some insight on this, especially in response to a female who previously posted her view that a woman cannot rape a man. This is absolutely untrue. Let me be clear that I'm not talking about women engaging in statutory rape against underaged boys who may be even interested, or at least curious, about having a sexual encounter. I'm talking about coercive, perhaps violent, forced copulation in which the woman wields physical weapons (gun, knife, toxicants, etc.) or psychological weapons (blackmail, etc.) against a male victim.
It is known that much of human sexual response is extremely mechanistic, in which responses to certain physical stimuli can occur very automatically. There is plenty of anecdotal and scientific documentation to indicate that processes such as arousal, genital erection, and orgasm can occur without any sexual interest or desire on the part of the woman or man in question. Many women have experienced orgasm during a rape event with a male perpetrator, but this does not diminish the criminality of rape and is absolutely no indication of these women having liked the forced copulation (They didn't). In a civilized society, we also accept that a provocative style of dress by a woman is not ever an acceptable excuse for a man to force sex upon her. Likewise, if a woman forces a man to copulate with her, the man's erection or orgasm in no way confirms that he liked any of what was happening to him, and there is never any acceptable excuse for a woman to force sex upon a man either. Simple stimulus-response mechanisms such as these are not necessarily stopped by negative circumstances.
Unfortunately, we are dealing with a double-standard, one which works against men in this case instead of against women. A disturbingly pervasive form of "reverse sexism" has come about. The notion is that male violence, including sexual violence, against women is (and should be considered) immoral and illegal, but female violence against men is ignorable and even laughable, especially if is sexual violence. The false idea that all men are sexually insatiable and can be interested in any sexual encounter with a woman, no matter what the circumstances are, feeds into this double-standard, and, in fact, many men themselves subscribe to this double-standard. There is no reason that female-perpetrated sexual violence should be taken any less seriously, or prosecuted any less aggressively, than male-perpetrated sexual violence. To make matters worse, laws are often written in language which presumes a male perpetrator-female victim model of sexual violence, rendering females legally unprosecutable for sexual violence. And crisis facilities, along with the police, lack operational systems which are robust enough to handle the possibility of male victims suffering at the hands of sexually or domestically violent women. So such male victims, lacking the sympathetic post-trauma facilities, must silently find a way to sort out their feelings of victimization and must do so alone. Some men will succeed in healing themselves. But other male victims, like their female victim counterparts, will have psychological scars that will take a very long time to heal, if ever.Thank you, Anonymous, for this very insightful and detailed elaboration upon the topic. I appreciate your input.
MarkThank you for your enlightening comment Anon- I have given my response to comments made to my own responses- See it on James Landrith's comment on next page- Ella
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