How To Find The Person You've Been Looking For
Posted: Friday, August 08, 2008
by Mark Parsec
Wordcasters
In the years that I have been working with people to help them overcome the problems in their lives, I have noticed a common denominator that seems to be shared by those whom do not seem to be able to get ahead in life. It is the difference between success and failure, winners and losers, the haves and the have nots. Call them what you will, but many of those on the bottom; the unemployed, underemployed and underachievers; the liars, cheaters and thieves; the addicts, alcoholics and homeless; many of these (but not all) have a tendency to complain. And God knows that I've been there myself. Now it shouldn't come as a surprise that the "down and outs" complain, because everybody complains at some time. Right? Sure, but it is the focus and quantity of the complaints of these underdogs that is significant and which, to a great degree, contributes to keeping them down.
The complainer says…
People are dishonest.
People are selfish.
People don't care about other people.
People aren't thoughtful about other's needs.
People aren't generous.
People aren't kind.
People don't love.
People don't talk to me.
People will not give me a chance.
Now, whenever somebody starts down one of these paths I generally respond to them in the same way by saying, "You're absolutely right! People are messed up, aren't they? Well, you know, I searched most of my life looking for people that were honest, unselfish, caring, thoughtful, generous, kind and loving. And they sure are hard to find. They're just not out there, are they?"
"Nope."
"So, do you know what you do?"
"What?"
"You become that person! You need to be the person that you've been looking for. You need to be honest, and unselfish, and caring, and thoughtful, and generous, and kind, and loving. You be the one to talk to them when no one else will. You be the one to give them a chance. Because you know how much people need those things."
Now, almost every time I share that bit of information with one of these people they seem to have one of those lightning bolt experiences of immediate illumination. The light has been turned on in the darkness of their mind and they see the truth. They begin to understand that they not only need to be a part of the solution instead of a part of the problem, but they WANT to be that person.
But, this approach to life is nothing new. This is what Jesus meant when he said, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." If you want people to be kind to you, then be kind to them. If you want people to give you a chance, then give people a chance. If you want people to love you, then love them. Love people. Don't expect to find in them the thing that you have been searching for. Be that thing for others.
Which reminds me of another conversation I had one day with an individual that told me he didn't go to church because churches were filled with hypocrites.
"I know exactly what you mean" I said. "I didn't go to church for most of my life because I felt the same way. So, do you know what I did?"
"What?" he asked.
"I went to church one day just to see the hypocrites… And, there I was! I was the hypocrite. I was no better than they were. At least they were trying to do something about it. They were trying to change their lives."
Yes, my friends, if we are not a part of the solution then we are part of the problem. If you want to change the world for the better, become that thing that you've been looking to find in others.
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Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)Hey Mark! I think that you are trying to say that I am responsible for how I feel? For my own happiness? Hmmm...where do you fit in to my life? LOL Just playing.I love you,MichelleHey, Thanks Michelle! I appreciate your comments. But, if people keep telling me they love me in their comments my wife is going to get very upset. God bless you.Too late, I heard you have already been paying the price for a few years now.So... you do know exactly where I fit into your life. : )
l found your article very interesting, and I hope that it does what you want it to, as in open some eyes. I agree that when people stop looking to others for the solution, the solution shows up (especially) when they ask God for help and actually listen. Thank you so much.Thank you, Roger. It was a lesson I had to learn for myself. I have a good friend who has helped me a lot there. Say hi to your wife for me. God bless you.
Mark,Exactly. Sometimes I know this, and live it. Sometimes I just complain. But, overall, I try to have the balance on the first hand rather than the second. A good incentive is demonstrating it to my children, especially in their teens when complaining seems to be the golden rule!Good work!Dame Complain-a-lot LESS :)Thank you, Judy. You are so right. This is so important when dealing with our children... especially teenagers. Yikes! That can be soooo challenging, can't it? Hey, I'd like to invite you to join my fan club. I'd be happy to join yours but you weren't signed in when you left this comment, so I'm not sure who you are.
Mark, bravo, very well done. O so true, especially about church; there are no perfect people, hence, no perfect church. Only those trying to make a change. I agree many churches has hypocrites in them, but so does the world, so how do you nto go to the world? I think its just an excuse. I had someone tell me once that you have to be smaller than what you hide behind. huh? He said if you are hiding behind a hypocrite then you must be smaller than that. OUCH! No Hiding for me, I'll face my sinful nature head on!. Thanks for a thought provoking and life challenging article. God bless you and Michell-ie :-)Hi Teresa,You're really good. I never told you my middle name and you pretty much said it here....it is Lee.Jesus loves you!MichelleHi, that is too funny. I just felt like calling you michellie. HA! I'm physco..eerr, I mean psychic.Thank you, Teresa. I heard your son was very sick recently. We've been keeping you and yours in our prayers. God bless you.Thanks Mark! I think the hard part is coming up and that is keeping him settled as he begins to feel better. Pray for that :-)
HI Mark,What a good article. I run into many hypocrites in and out of church. I alway try to live my life so that it benefits others and not just me. Sometimes I fail, but I work hard at being there for others. The world would be a better place if people would take the time to think of someone else besides themselves. I hope many people see this and decide it's time for them to change their way of thinking.Thank you, Angie. I agree with you. God bless you.
Fantastic article, Mark. I had never thought about it before, but I totally agree with what you're saying. I will try harder to practice what I preach; because I would like to be that person that I want everyone else to be.SandraHi Sandra, Thank you for your comments. As far as being the person we're looking for in others... I have a feeling that you're probably a natural at it. Keep spreading the love. God bless you.
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